Piano Solo
by Starlight Dream Weaver
Summary: The lonliness of the end...


Authors Notes: I have a thing about music, it's one of my many passions in life and I was discussing with my someone, how haunting a piece of music can be when performed by a single instrument, particularly the piano or cello.   
As my mind usually does, thinking about this lead me to thinking about loneliness. How being alone, is as haunting as that single instrument.  
How being alone, is such a scary thing to have to go through. And it became another idea for a fan fiction and another entry in my diary.   
Also because the character is such a dark one in so many ways, that happiness seems to escape at every possible moment, just when you think things are going her way, they go in the other direction. Not one of my best fanfic's, but I hope worth reading...  
So I hope that explains the title and story.   
Rating: Pg-13 Possibly a 15. It's dark…  
Spoilers: Season 8/ Season 9 not a lot, just mainly Mark's Death (oops) and being with Sandy (nothing regarding that huge ass spoiler of Season 9, you know what I mean)  
Category/Genre: angst, dark… A bit sad too….AU  
Dedicated: Butterfly, thanks for making me smile, thanks for making me laugh. Thanks for making the loneliness disappear.  
Disclaimer: I don't ER … I use them (the characters) without permission. Sorry guys J I mean no harm…  
http://www.angelfire.com/musicals/dream_weaver  
  
Piano Solo  
  
  
  
So this was life. Wake up, go to work, work till you think you're actually going to die, go home, and go to sleep. Then it all starts again.   
Where's the actual living?  
Is it just an endless circle of pain and unhappiness?   
  
Slamming her locker door shut, Kerry Weaver sighed.   
Nighttime had already fallen, shadows lurked and pain was present. Just another end to another day. Another day which would begin again soon and end exactly the same.   
Pain hit her like waves over her body. She was exhausted. She had worked till she felt like her entire body was shutting down, it became a mission to stay upright on her feet until the end of her shift. The impending darkness and involuntary need to fall circled like vultures, around her body.  
Waiting for that moment of weakness to strike. Waiting for that moment of weakness to finally claim its prey.   
These vultures had been circling for over 20 years now, but today was different, today they were to finally feed.   
Kerry's frail body convulsed with pain, she suddenly found herself grasping at her hip, doubled over, trying to fend off the overwhelming dizziness that engulfed her head.   
The pain increased. She watched as her crutch fell to the floor in slow motion, the way it bounced off the hard surface of the lounge floor, almost poetic.   
She made one final plea to stay upright, grasping at the lockers, only to slide down them, falling to the floor with a loud thud, that was astoundingly silent.   
No one came to her aid. No one came running in.   
So there she lay on the floor, unable to move, unable to speak. Small moans of pain escaping her dry lips, which were turning a strangled blue colour.   
Shivers of pain and coldness ran through her body.   
No one came to her aid. No knight on a mighty steed came to rescue her.  
There she lay, tears flowing freely from her eyes.   
In realisation, that not only was she dying. But that no one cared. That no one knew, and that unlike her dreams, she wasn't at home in a comfy bed, no comforting hands of loved ones held her until the final moment. She wasn't at peace with herself.   
She was alone. She was in pain. She was dying.  
A silent death, no one knew of the cancer that had been eating at her. It seemed only right she kept it to herself after Mark.   
But now she paid for it. How she longed for someone to hold her hand. How she wished Sandy were by her side, grasping her hand, whispering words of comfort. Instead, she was lying on the floor on the ER lounge. She would have laughed at the irony if she wasn't drawing her few final breaths.  
Her last thoughts were of Africa, of smiles and laugher, of the good times of the ER, of Gabe, of her husband, her life that remained a mystery even to herself, of Kim and of Sandy. A few more tears fell for Sandy, the love of her life.   
Then the pain seemed to subside.   
And like an old movie, her world lost colour and faded out.  
  
~~  
~~  
  
John stumbled through the lounge door with Abby on his arm; still laughing at the joke she had told minutes before. He felt Abby stiffen and stop.  
"Abby? Wha…" he trailed off, trailing her line to Kerry Weaver, lying deathly still on the lounge floor by her locker, staring back at them.   
As he moved quickly by her side, Abby had already figured out she wasn't blinking, or the reassuring rise and fall of her chest was not present, and the blue tinge to her lips mean that she was gone. Kneeling down by Kerry's side, she felt for a pulse.   
Almost pulling back in shock at how cold she was.  
At how dead she was. She had died and no one had noticed. No one had noticed to the point where she was cold.   
John refused to believe that his medical hero was dead, opening her mouth and pounding against her chest, screaming for her to breath.   
But Kerry didn't. Her eyes seemed to be almost fixed on Abby.  
Pulling herself up, Abby turned away, away from the accusing gaze of Kerry.  
"You let me die and you didn't even notice"   
Screaming for help towards the admit desk, no one seemed to know what was going on.  
Minds raced, they'd seem Abby enter with Carter, was there something wrong with Carter. In reality they had seen Kerry enter and never leave. Over an hour ago.   
Rushing to what they thought was Carter's aid, the collective gasp that filtered out from the lounge, told the people by the admit desk, that not everything was as it seemed.   
  
~~  
~~  
  
Carter had been the one to call her death and they had all stood around the gurney, heads hung guiltily.   
"You let me die and you didn't even notice"  
Her eyes were still fixed, like a painting, following them wherever they had moved around the gurney, accusing them of the painful death she had endured.   
They had let a mighty fire burn out.   
No one knew the loneliness Kerry felt in those last few seconds before her world faded out, but they would when it was their turn. And they would know the true meaning on life, and they would discover it alone.   
  
~~  
~~  
Fin… 


End file.
